Think Outside The Piggy Bank

finding wallets 1 2 3

Here are three stories about finding wallets. The first one is hopeful, the second one kind of amusing, and the third one sort of sad.

Krissa sent me a link (thanks Krissa!) to the first one about a Brooklyn fifth-grader who found and returned a wallet that had over $500 cash in it. The boy did the right thing of course as we shouldn't keep what isn't ours, and was duly rewarded by the owner with a $100 bill. He spent half of it on toys and is planning to use the rest of the money to buy his mom presents for Valentine's Day. Now that is sweet! But would you believe that in the comment section there were adults who actually called him an idiot for not keeping the $500? Who rationalized that if you lose that type of money you don't deserve to get it back? Unreal. Luckily the little kid had a lot more class.

Now the second story involves yours truly. Walking to work two weekends ago I found a wallet on the road but because I was in a hurry and it was early in the morning I took it to work with me to deal with it later. Unfortunately though someone had already gotten to it before me, stole whatever cash and credit cards had been in there, and unceremoniously dumped it where I found it. But there was lots of personal ID in it (and photos as well) so I knew the person would want it back. As it turned out the rightful owner (a wee slip of a girl in her early twenties) was only two blocks away from home so I returned it after my shift. She was overjoyed but also apologetic for not being able to give me any money as obviously there wasn't any left. I told her not to worry, that it wasn't necessary, and that it wasn't why I had returned it. But she did offer what she could: a joint! Well, she first asked me if I smoked weed to which I replied no, but then I told her that a friend of mine did thinking I could pass it along. So she handed me what was left of what she'd been smoking as we were speaking in her doorway, and I just laughed and told her it was okay. But I tell you though; if it had been on a Sunday night and I didn't have to go back in the next morning I might have just taken it and finished it on the way home!

The last story involves the friend I was going to pass the joint along to. When I told him what happened, he recounted his found wallet tale. When he came across a kid's wallet a few months ago he tracked down the parents after looking them up in the phone book. Upon calling they didn't seem too eager to come pick it up so he offered to drop it off. As it turns out they lived in a pretty upscale neighbourhood, but their manners sure didn't match. Now my friend, like myself, wasn't expecting a reward as such, but felt a little bit insulted when they didn't even thank him. And they didn't even grab their kid to come say thanks either! Just took the wallet and shut the door.

So what's the moral of these three tales? First, that you return things that don't belong to you because that's what civilized people do. Second, you do so not because of any hoped-for reward, but because of your moral code. And third, as eloquently put by Confucius himself:

Act with kindness, but do not expect gratitude.

speaking of time...

Where did it go? Last time I looked it was still 2008! And I've always thought that time is strange anyway. It speeds up when you're having fun or are engrossed in something, slows to a crawl when you're bored or waiting, and definitely feels different the older you get. And time travel? Don't get me started. I should know by now not to watch any movies featuring this theme as I go crazy trying to figure out the logistics. So in a way I felt somewhat comforted when I read of the physicist Julian Barbour who doesn't even think that time exists, that it's simply an illusion and a product of human perception, but the comfort didn't last, and wasn't shared, snort.

But I digress. I meant to say that it's that time of year again to break or forget all those resolutions! Not. I actually don't believe in making resolutions, although I do like to take stock of the year that went by, think of whatever had been accomplished or that I'm grateful for, and then figure out what my hopes are for the upcoming year. Doable goals make a lot more sense to me, and over the years I've learned that being clear about your intentions is often the quick start that's needed. I haven't quite decided yet what my aims for this year are, although I think finding another job and possibly going back to school are on top of the list. I say possibly for school because I believe you're not allowed to do the fourth year part-time (I'll be checking next week), and since I don't want to do it full-time, I may have to nix this goal. What I do want to change though is getting back on track with my three blogs and Flickr. For various reasons they've been getting short shrift, and that has got to stop.

What about you? Have you thought about what you'd like to see change?

an attitude of gratitude

It's Thanksgiving in the United States (Canada celebrated it in October already), so it's a perfect day to talk about gratitude. And notice how the word attitude (with the exception of one letter) is practically embedded in the word gratitude? Fitting really. Gratitude is having an attitude of gratefulness for everything that you have, for everything that is going right in your life. Or wrong even depending on how Zen you happen to be feeling at the moment. A long time ago a wise man said:

Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others. --MARCUS T. CICERO (c. 106-43 BC, Roman orator and politician)

And, not quite as long ago:

The Pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts. No Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving. --H.U. WESTERMAYER

Enjoy today, whether it's Thanksgiving for you or not, and be grateful for whatever you can.

gratitude continued

Who is rich? He who rejoices in what he has. --the TALMUD

Monday was Thanksgiving

Yes, Thanksgiving Day is held a month earlier in Canada than in the United States, and personally I prefer Thanksgiving in October because who wants a holiday so close to Christmas? I also suspect that some of the meaning and enjoyment of the occasion is more likely to be lost when it takes place later in the year, especially since the Christmas media machine seems to strike up the very second Halloween is over. But I digress. I wanted to talk about gratitude because giving thanks and being grateful is what Thanksgiving is all about.

So was I grateful when I learned earlier last week that I would be in charge of making Thanksgiving dinner on Sunday in the rest home where I work? Nope. Annoyed and ticked off would better describe my reaction. Having never cooked a turkey before I also immediately went into panic mode, but having survived the shift (I'll spare you the gory details) I can now say that I was grateful for:

• the compliments from the residents who truly enjoyed the meal
• being able to sleep in the next day and resting my weary bones
• learning something new (I now know how to cook and carve a 25-pound turkey!)
• taking the wishbone home as a souvenir of this forced-upon-me culinary adventure
• the knowledge that all future shifts will seem easy by comparison

Today it's two days after Thanksgiving and for some reason I was feeling a bit grumpy, which is silly really because in actuality I don't have a lot to be grumpy about. My biggest complaint these days seems to be that I continually feel behind when it comes to my creative pursuits and am not able to put in as much time as I would like into my blogs and photography site. Um, hello? Since apparently I'm not worried about health, money or relationships, perhaps I just need to feel a bit more grateful!

give and let go

I really liked Donna Freedman's article Why I gave a guy a dollar on Smart Spending the other day, and regardless of whether you give directly to the person asking, or choose to contribute to agencies that help indirectly, I think it's important to give. What I think may be even more important though in the case of people on the street asking for money is to at least acknowledge their presence. As far as I'm concerned they have the right to ask, we have the (equal) right to say no, but we don't have the right to just walk by and pretend they don't exist. I have to admit that whether I give money on any given day will depend on how much I've got, what I still need to do with it, my mood, and my reaction to that particular person. What I do try to do though if I decide not to give is to at least look them in the eye, smile, and say "I'm sorry, not today." I have yet to get an angry response and will often get a smile back, or a "Thanks anyway."

Giving, in my opinion, is important for any number of reasons: to show gratitude for what you already have, to show kinship with your fellow human beings (or other living creatures), to acknowledge the fact that any one of us could end up in a similar situation, and simply because it's the right thing to do. I also think it's important to give no matter what your financial situation, because there will always be someone worse off than you. And while I personally like the idea of tithing (giving away 10%), I don't believe the actual percentage matters as much as your intention. If fiscally you can only afford to give away 1%, then in my opinion that is better than giving 10% when you can easily give away 30%. Giving is also easier when it's automatic and you have it deducted from your account at a predetermined time. That also ensures that giving becomes a priority, rather than something you may or may not do depending on how much is left. Of course if money is so tight that you absolutely can't give any of it away, then give of your time instead as time is money as well.

Finally, if you're going to give, then just give. Sure, do your homework if donating to specific agencies and try to find out how much of the money actually goes to the population it's supposed to help (if too much of a percentage is earmarked for administrative purposes then donate elsewhere), but if you're handing over cash to someone on the street, then just give. It's up to them now how they're going to spend it as you've fulfilled your side of the equation by giving.

griping and gratitude

Like many people I sometimes excel in the former and forget about the latter, whereas a more equal balance of the two is probably in order. And some days I gripe so proficiently that if ever there was a job opening as a professional griper (is there such a thing?) I'd get hired on the spot! A little bit of griping is healthy and useful for our sanity of course (anyone who says otherwise is obviously not living on this planet), but like everything else, it has its limits.

Gratitude on the other hand isn't practised often enough, and it's a shame because I'm convinced that it's one of the best things we can do for ourselves. And it's free to boot! Although I haven't read any studies, it wouldn't surprise me if spending a couple of minutes a day thinking about what you are grateful for lowers your blood pressure, calms your heart rate, and possibly prevents at least one hissy fit. And there's always something to be grateful for no matter how dire the situation. Anyone with a pet (small children possibly count as well, snort) automatically earns mega gratitude bonus points, but if you're stuck trying to think of things, here's a wee list to get you started:

• music
• sunshine
• your right to vote
• being able to walk
• the roof (any roof) over your head
• the books on your shelves or in the library
• because you're able to read this, your Internet connection
• having the time to rearrange your list in any pattern you want
• the flowers you saw in the garden down the street
• not forgetting your umbrella when it rains
• that nickel you found last week
• the person next to you
• the food in your fridge
• the air you breathe
• clean clothes

Okay, it's your turn. Make a mental list or write it down if you want. And doing it first thing in the morning (or with your first coffee perhaps?) is a great time as it gears you up for the rest of the day. Report back here if you like!