give and let go

I really liked Donna Freedman's article Why I gave a guy a dollar on Smart Spending the other day, and regardless of whether you give directly to the person asking, or choose to contribute to agencies that help indirectly, I think it's important to give. What I think may be even more important though in the case of people on the street asking for money is to at least acknowledge their presence. As far as I'm concerned they have the right to ask, we have the (equal) right to say no, but we don't have the right to just walk by and pretend they don't exist. I have to admit that whether I give money on any given day will depend on how much I've got, what I still need to do with it, my mood, and my reaction to that particular person. What I do try to do though if I decide not to give is to at least look them in the eye, smile, and say "I'm sorry, not today." I have yet to get an angry response and will often get a smile back, or a "Thanks anyway."

Giving, in my opinion, is important for any number of reasons: to show gratitude for what you already have, to show kinship with your fellow human beings (or other living creatures), to acknowledge the fact that any one of us could end up in a similar situation, and simply because it's the right thing to do. I also think it's important to give no matter what your financial situation, because there will always be someone worse off than you. And while I personally like the idea of tithing (giving away 10%), I don't believe the actual percentage matters as much as your intention. If fiscally you can only afford to give away 1%, then in my opinion that is better than giving 10% when you can easily give away 30%. Giving is also easier when it's automatic and you have it deducted from your account at a predetermined time. That also ensures that giving becomes a priority, rather than something you may or may not do depending on how much is left. Of course if money is so tight that you absolutely can't give any of it away, then give of your time instead as time is money as well.

Finally, if you're going to give, then just give. Sure, do your homework if donating to specific agencies and try to find out how much of the money actually goes to the population it's supposed to help (if too much of a percentage is earmarked for administrative purposes then donate elsewhere), but if you're handing over cash to someone on the street, then just give. It's up to them now how they're going to spend it as you've fulfilled your side of the equation by giving.

Comments

[Cris]

I agree with everything you said, except that I don't feel an obligation to acknowledge *everyone* who panhandles me any more than I feel obligated to listen to every advertisement on TV. It is perhaps an American curse that we iconize the hustler. I have mixed feelings about people who block my path, or loose an expert patter like they were carnival barkers, or try to con me with a story about going home to LA and running out of gas. It seems that some of our panhandlers have adopted the manipulative, in-your-face tactics of business advertising. I don't have a sense of moral superiority, and coming from the lower classes, I don't have a sense of liberal guilt. I give or apologize to those who ask politely, and I ignore those who treat me as a mark.

[Pecobe]

Hi, You have some great thoughts. Just from my past experiences: Those that give automaticly sometimes have no personal contact with those that they give to. Giving financially is great, giving financially and being involved in their lives or work is greater. Your (my) smile or other means of contact that we give, for some is even more vauable than money that they would receive. This is not to mean that we shoudn't help out financially.

[Krissa]

Very powerful message and I couldn't agree more. The only exception is that here in Berlin, there are some people who are very intoxicated and obnoxious who ask for/demand money and I do ignore them. If someone is playing music and taking "donations", I give them what I can. If someone is selling the local magazines that the government sponsors to help them make some money, I give them money and sometimes tell them to keep the paper (although I have the idea sometimes that it is a little insulting to not take it, so i waver on that). If people are just straight out begging and are not high or drunk, I get them a banana or something else I can afford that's healthy. The ones who really get to me here are the ones dragging around dogs. That makes me mad. I was surprised by it because you can't do that in NY, not if the police see you anyway. Those people I give dog food or treats to - luckily I don't see that often. Oh, by the way, if you didn't realize it, most of the panhandlers here hang out in front of stores. That's another no-no in NY. When we moved here almost two years ago (yikes!), there wasn't nearly as much begging as there is now. The legitimate ones do make me feel sad....and remind me to be thankful for what I have. ... I have fallen way behind on everything, internet activities included in the past few days, but I'm going to read that article soon. ... Thanks for the great post!

[think outside the piggy bank]

Thanks everyone for your thoughtful response—that in itself is a form of giving!

Cris, my reaction varies as well depending on how I perceive the situation and the legitimacy of the person and story. I guess too that the number of panhandlers encountered would make a difference. Where I live it's not a daily occurrence for me, so it probably isn't quite the same.

Pecobe, I like your point. There are so many ways to give, but personal contact may mean even more. At Christmas I gave the residents where I work a card and a $2 coupon for Tim Horton's coffee. Well! Even though it didn't seem that much to me, I couldn't believe how excited they were, but it was interesting that what some of them seemed to appreciate almost even more was the signed card.

Krissa, thanks for the compliment. Yeah, most people I see are in front of stores as well, but I guess that makes sense really. Dogs? Hmmm, I wouldn't like that either.

I have to say too my current job has probably influenced how I feel. As some of you know, I work in a rest home for adults with mental disabilities. Quite a number of them have schizophrenia, and I'm sure that some of the residents give people pause when they encounter them. But as a result of working with them directly, I find that I tend to look at people I meet on the street differently because I can see in them the people that I work with. What I have been really touched by is when (like this weekend) one of the residents gives ME a present! Since they're all on social assistance I know how little money they have (most of which goes to the home they're living in), so it means a lot. Maybe too that's why when I read of celebrities donating large amounts it doesn't always impress me (even though it's a nice thing to do) because percentage-wise it's probably a drop in the bucket for them.

[Krissa]

Last night after I had turned off my computer and was drifting off to sleep I realized that I left a main point out of my comment....that when I was in NY, I did exactly what you do. I never gave bananas or anything there, but I did always at least say, "sorry" if I didn't give a quarter or whatever. I'm not sure if it's the language barrier here that made me change my ways. But anyway, I do agree how special it is that the residents where you work show such generosity and yet are probably looked at with suspicion or contempt on the street. And you know what, although I am sure some celebrities donate out of the goodness of their hearts, I believe the ones who do so, do so under the table and we likely never hear about it. The ones who do it with big bells and whistles are just looking for publicity. That's my opinion, anyway. ... This is seriously a very important issue and it is nice to see it addressed. I hope more people are thinking about it, if not commenting.

[Krissa]

I didn't click on Donna's "affluent" beggars link, but it reminds me of a story that I heard/saw on tv about a couple who was in Texas making tens of thousands of dollars a year panhandling on an interstate exit. ... What is really sad is that there truly are people who have been reduced to that..."begging", for whatever they can get. On the flip side, whether it's an organized scam or a young jerk doing it to get beer money, those people, the ones who are not truly destitute, have done more than just con folks who want to help. They have hurt the ones who have no choice. Because of them, the people who have no choice are looked at as freeloaders, con artists, etc., too. ... When I lived in NYC, I saw a woman in a public bathroom at Coney Island trying to bathe in a sink. All her possessions were in a small cart, the kind you buy at a discount store - not one taken from a store. She had washed some underclothes out and hung them on the cart....she wasn't asking for money, and I was too overwhelmed to do anything but notice her and go about my way. Whether she ever asked a soul in this world for change or not, I don't know. But there are most definitely people in the world who find themselves in a position to beg for money - and at least SOME of them should not be judged. ... Well, that is what I wanted to add after I read that article. Sorry, it's a downer.

[think outside the piggy bank]

Hey Krissa, giving is a complicated thing, isn't it? As is poverty. So it's really hard to know what to do and how best to help. It sounds like the woman you encountered was trying to maintain dignity in what WE may feel is an undignified situation. It makes you wonder how the rest of us would cope in those circumstances. The other day there was a woman in the store with all her belongings in a cart and just as I got in line I realized that she had to return two items that she didn't have enough money for. I felt bad and wished I had gotten there sooner so I could have told the clerk to put them on my bill instead.

Yes, the residents I work with can be quite amazing sometimes. And of course annoying at other times, snort. Funny too how a job that is really crappy in certain ways (conditions, pay, tasks) can also teach me so much. About giving and generosity for starters. It's quite humbling really.

[Donna Freedman]

Hello, and thank you for linking to my essay. I agree that hunger and homelessness are two very complicated issues.
It was interesting to read some of the more than 1,900 comments posted at the end of the original piece. The kind comments *far* outweighed the angry ones.
Most interesting of all were the comments from people who are living very close to the edge themselves yet still try to give, and from those who were once in the position of having to beg and have never forgotten it.
I'm not rich. I'm 50 years old and, like you, I don't work full-time: I go to school (thank you, scholarship committee!), write the blog, manage the apartment building in which I live and babysit from time to time. (Never at 4 a.m., though -- yikes!)
But I *feel* rich. I have a roof over my head, food every day, family and friends, a chance to go to school and the opportunity to get paid for what I love to do. (In my previous life I was a newspaper reporter.)
Since I'm a frugal person, I know how to manage my finances to allow for giving. So I do. Because there's need.
A couple of people accused me of self-aggrandizement -- that I wrote the column to make myself look like a big shot. They couldn't be more mistaken. What I wanted to do was call attention to the fact of hunger and the attitude that so many people have toward this dirty little national secret.
A few of those who commented said they usually don't give but that now they might re-think their positions. I sure hope they do.
Again, thank you for the link and thanks to all who left their comments. (I don't like it when people get in my face and demand money, either.)
Best regards,
Donna Freedman

[think outside the piggy bank]

Donna! I'm absolutely thrilled you stopped by. Thank you so much.

I'm glad that the kind comments outnumbered the angry ones, but even more that so many people had the chance to read your essay. You never know how many people you reached that day who will have had their thoughts or behaviour changed because of it.

I've heard it said before that the vast majority of donations tend to come from either the very poor or the very rich and I guess that's not surprising. Funny too that a number of people would lump me in with the poor even though now that I make about $12000 a year, I'm richer than I've been in a long time. And like you I certainly feel rich in the sense that my basic needs are covered, and I have the time to devote to what's important to me.

I think you did a great service in writing your piece, and it certainly inspired me to write my own, so thank you for that. And thanks again for the visit too. It really made my day. :)